So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
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