Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
