One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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