Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
