wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
