Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
