oh god the rape fog is back!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
