all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
