I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
