ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
