My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
