Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
