the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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