I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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