bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
