im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
