Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
