new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
