YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
