he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
