I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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