Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
