I think I died a long time ago.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
