There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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