Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
