the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
