Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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