Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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