I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
