so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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