you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
