Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
