I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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