I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
