O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
