omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
