so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
