my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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