If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
