Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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