if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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