Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
