when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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