He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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