If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
