my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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