I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
