I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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