Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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