This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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